teacherken's musings on everything

Now that I see that I am one of the several dozen on dailykos who blogs, I suppose I will have to put something "political" on here.

How about --- the "Clarke" phenomenon seems to have legs?

I'm frustrated, because I'm in school, with the kids [we are in a computer lab with them doing an exploration, so I am free for 5 minutes} so I have not been able to watch or listen to Clarke's testimony. I am fascinated that Bill Schneider of CNN called him the new John Dean ... that gives credibility, esepcially since Schneider does not tend to rush to judgment.

And I remember how ferocious the attacks on Dean were, in the hopes of discrediting him!!!

Well, I am supposed to be teaching, so I will go and help the kiddies [exploring aspects of Maryland Government from the state website].


FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME OFFLINE at kber@earthlink.net Comments, suggestions and even rude remarks are welcomed! Preface any messages with "teacherken" so I know they are not spam.

I have not been able to post for a variety of reasons. I have been very sick, beginning this past Saturday, when we returned from Charlottesville, where we went so Jurretta could listen to and meet Al Weed, who is running an uphill race as a Democrat against Virgil Goode in Virginia's 5th CD. I am helping (remotely, via the net) with this campaign, since our district is not competitive.

But I have not been near full strength since Saturday morning --- it is now midday on Wednesday. I went about 30 hours unable to keep down anything solid, and am still having major sinus problems.

Much of note in the news, especially the interview with Richard Clarke and the release of his book. It is becoming increasingly clear to a larger section of the American news media and also to the public how unfocused and unconcerned about terrorism this administration was, perhaps criminally so. How that will play out in the elections remains to be seen, but what is becoming clear is that the perception of this president as "strong on terrorism" has been a well-manufactured myth that is now being shattered, not only to the public here, but to elite opinion overseas as well. That may contribute to a diminution of support the exceeds that caused by the Al Qaeda attacks in Madrid.

I really wish I could write what is in my mind and on my heart, but this forum is far too public. Let it suffice to say that I am now deeply saddened. So far it has remained unnoticed here at school, and I hope that I can maintain some element of privacy in that respect.

And now, I must help some of this students, who seem incapable of following simple and clear instructions.



FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME OFFLINE at kber@earthlink.net Comments, suggestions and even rude remarks are welcomed! Preface any messages with "teacherken" so I know they are not spam.

The title of today's post operates on many levels.

Today there was a major bombing in Baghdad. Does this represent a different way of commemorating one year of US invasion and occupation? If so will we see more? Is this related in anyway to what just happened in Madrid? If so, is it not logical to also expect actions in England and Australia, among other nations? No predictions, just questions...

Through my significant other I have been offered a relatively cheap location to host my blog, one operated with Movable Type, which would allow far more flexibility, and the ability to allow comments. It is tempting, and I will probably explore it. I would have to decide if I would want to register a domain name, that could be hosted there. As it happens, my desired name is currently not a webpage, although does not mean that it has not been registered ... I would have to explore that.

In school ... my Comparative Religion class was apparently somewhat productive. I have had the students each read a book (mainly from my collection) from a religious tradition other than one with which they associate. They had to read a report, and also do a verbal report. We got in three oral reports today. One was by a Shi'ite Muslim girl who read Prager & Telushkin's book on question people ask about Jews. She gave a very insightful analysis. A young man I first taught 3 years ago his freshman year who views himself as a Buddhist read a Ram Dass on meditation and was quite articulate in describing it. And a young lady with a weak Christian identity who may well attend Catholic U next year (her boyfriend, also in the class, has likewise been accepted) read and gave a superb reflection on Thich Ngat Hanh's Touching Peace

My role in all of this was to guide the discussion, to help the students see connections with other religious traditions, to fill in some spaces [examples: the fence around the fence around the Torah; the idea of being focused on the present in Buddhism with Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection; the idea of letting go of self-definitions with the Gospel expression that whomsoever seeketh to save his own life shall lose it ...]. We will probably need to spend the rest of the this week trying to get through the remaining 12 presentations. Besides a basic overview, each student reads a brief passage s/he found particularly relevant or interesting. And this has worked out, at least so far, better than I expected.

I had ghouth that Dean was going to be on Larry King tonight. Actually, he was scheduled for tomorrow, but according to inof on dailykos, he has cancelled. So whatever I will learn about his plans will come not from watching him on tc, but from reading, either on newsprint or online.

I remain tired, fighting my sinuses, lacking energy, but feeling perhaps a bit more at ease about where I will be next year. Perhaps some of my unease at my current situation will be resolved, one way or another, in the next two days. I am prepared for my classes for the remaining two days of this week, and I have only 7 more days of hall duty this year (hurrah!!!), after which I can avoid the kinds of conflicts that come from enforcing the rules, being what my dearest refers to as a "hall meanie."

On an entirely different note --- I have an interest in some participation in the campaign of the Democratic candidate for Congress in the 5th CD of Virginia, having met him this past weekend at a fundraiser. I realized during the day that I had a contact that might be valuable in assessing whether I wish to be involved. The chairman of the Dean campaign in the 5th District is someone with whom I have had an email relationship, and who, if memory serves, was on my list of educators for Dean. I have sent out a feeler, and await his response.

I hae no papers to grade, no preparation to do, no bills to pay, I can now totally let go for the rest of the evening.

And so I leave this blog entry.

FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME OFFLINE at kber@earthlink.net Comments, suggestions and even rude remarks are welcomed! Preface any messages with "teacherken" so I know they are not spam.

As we had a winter strom blow through the DC area -- here in Arlington it was m erely rain, and even to our North, the ground was so warm it is doubtful except perhaps in the mountains that there was any accumulation at all.

The warm weather creates problems for us in school. The kids become far "bouncier" and more difficult to keep focused on thier academics when in class, and behaving properly when in the halls. Perhaps it is just that I am becoming too old for this. I find myself near exhausted at the end of each day. It has little to do with the direct tasks of teaching, except for the occasional clasroom management problem. I do have one class, my 6th period, which is exceedingly difficult to get settled and keep on task. And the one academic problem is that the Religion class is not going well. It is partly the reulsts of the class being too small - that has meant that we have not been able to afford the bus to do the field trips. But it also maginifies the effect any one student has on the lcass, and in this case my one Catholic student's negativity has had an unfortunate impact.

I am finding that I having increasing difficulty in motivating myself to get on with each day's daily tasks. I no longer look forward to having students arrive in my classroom. That means I am not as effective a teacher as I have been. And in this profession, any loss of effectiveness is truly a reason to question one's continuance in the classroom. The problem is, of course, that after 10 years away from the work world, I really have no option to return -- I will shortly be 58, m y non-teaching skills have probably significantly atrophied, and I don't even hae an appropriate business wardrobe into which I can fit.

The real loss has been that I seem to be going through many of the motions of life. I am consistently fighting a sinus infection, I do not sleep in more than 2-3 hour stretches, the shoulder that was injured 18 months ago still bothers me, because I am at least 20 pounds overweight my knees often ache as I do stairs ... in short, I am getting old far faster than I ever expected.

Perhaps the fact that our homelife and marriage are not a place of repose and restoration for either of us contributes to all of this. Or perhpas the problems that we each carry around, unaddressed, detract from the homelife. I cannot determine.

I do know that I am so drained that I have little energy to post to this blog, or to participate in any meaningful way in political blogging. Right now I just want to get through the school year and collapse. I have no firm plans as yet for the summer.

And despite my lethargy, I must now motivate myself to get going for another day at school.

And I doubt anyone will ever read these words.


FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME OFFLINE at kber@earthlink.net Comments, suggestions and even rude remarks are welcomed! Preface any messages with "teacherken" so I know they are not spam.

As we had a winter strom blow through the DC area -- here in Arlington it was m erely rain, and even to our North, the ground was so warm it is doubtful except perhaps in the mountains that there was any accumulation at all.

The warm weather creates problems for us in school. The kids become far "bouncier" and more difficult to keep focused on thier academics when in class, and behaving properly when in the halls. Perhpas it is just that I am becoming too old for this. I find myslef near exhausted at the end of each day. It has little to do with the direct tasks of teaching, except for the occasional clasroom management problem. I do have one class, my 6th period, which is exceedingly difficult to get settled and keep on task. And the one academic problem is that the Religion class is not going well. It is partly the reulsts of the class being too small - that has meant that we have not been able to afford the bus to do the field trips. But it also maginifies the effect any one student has on the lcass, and in this case my one Catholic student's negativity has had an unfortunate impact.

I am finding that I having increasing difficulty in motivating myself to get on with each day's daily tasks. I no longer look forward to having students arrive in my classroom. That means I am not as effective a teacher as I have been. And in this profession, any loss of effectiveness is truly a reason to question one's continuance in the classroom. The problem is, of course, that after 10 years away from the work world, I really have no option to return -- I will shortly be 58, m y non-teaching skills have probably significantly atrophied, and I don't even hae an appropriate business wardrobe into which I can fit.

The real loss has been that I seem to be going through many of the motions of life. I am consistently fighting a sinus infection, I do not sleep in more than 2-3 hour stretches, the shoulder that was injured 18 months ago still bothers me, because I am at least 20 pounds overweight my knees often ache as I do stairs ... in short, I am getting old far faster than I ever expected.

Perhaps the fact that our homelife and marriage are not a place of repose and restoration for either of us contributes to all of this. Or perhpas the problems that we each carry around, unaddressed, detract from the homelife. I cannot determine.

I do know that I am so drained that I have little energy to post to this blog, or to participate in any meaningful way in political blogging. Right now I just want to get through the school year and collapse. I have no firm plans as yet for the summer.

And despite my lethargy, I must now motivate myself to get going for another day at school.

And I doubt anyone will ever read these words.


FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME OFFLINE at kber@earthlink.net Comments, suggestions and even rude remarks are welcomed! Preface any messages with "teacherken" so I know they are not spam.

from posting, but my life has been very busy recently.

I am coming to the conclusion that at this point in my life I have little original thought or insight to offer. There was a point in my life where I felt my insights might offer something new. I have now lived so long (almost 58 years) that I have to recognize that any thought that passes through my consciousness is likely to be at best a slight modification of point of view of something I have previously read or heard, especially as widely as I read.

Over the past year I have posted on a number of blogs, and participated in far too many lists. I have been expounding, rarely of anything new. This has come out of the time that would have been available for things of far greater value --- silence, reading, meditation, exercise, and in my case playing the piano. As a result I have been emptying myself. While emptying could be positive, a kenosis, a letting go of attachment, in this case it has been neither.

Last night I made a post and several comments on a new blog run by a former Dean supporter, a blog designed for those deemed to be leaders at the grassroots level. I qualified because of my role in Educators for Dean [which was, after all, largely the accumulation of names for an endorsement statement that was essentially meaningless, and seen by very few people other than some of the endorsees]. I found myself drawn to a position about which I commented, that I really have little interest in the participation in conventional politics, and that I had hoped for something different, absent which I'm not certain how much I wish to participate.

Periodically I find that I want to withdraw, to find the still place, but in how I live externally, and with respect to my inner core. The latter is surely far more important ---one can be externally busy and active while maintaining a sense of focus, of internal stillness. Back in my Orthodox Church days I would have noted how often spiritual teachers of that tradition would comment on such, often pointing towards use of the Jesus prayer as a means of achieving same.

Instead, at best I sometimes achieve external signs of stilllness while still being in turmoil internally. In that sense I would fulfill an image condemned in the Gospel -- I would truly be a "whited sepulcher." For my own sanity I need to be far better rooted in what is real. And for me that includes true silence as a necessary first step to true listening.

Surprisingly, despite my "business" I do not accomplish many of the tasks that I should get done. I would think that were I more focused and not attempting to multitask I would get far more done. That seems counterintuitive, but in fact when I am focused I do things more thoroughly and surprisingly with expenditures of far less time and energy.

My teaching responsibilities potentially can overwhelm me this weekend. I have final projects to correct and grade, perhaps 120 at 5-7 minutes each. That is ten hours of work. I will have quizzes to grade, taking about 2 minutes each, perhaps another 3 hours of work (since I will get more of those than of the projects). And yet, if I do not try to rush the process, I will probably be able to do all of this and still have time for the cats, for silence, for some free readings, and for some necessary work of the householder.

Here I am teaching about paradox as my religion class studies Zen, should not I be far more embracing of paradox myself?

Enough. Students will begin to arrive shortly. This will be my only post today.

Methinks I prefer the mechanics of journaling in a notebook far more than I do these postings.


FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME OFFLINE at kber@earthlink.net Comments, suggestions and even rude remarks are welcomed! Preface any messages with "teacherken" so I know they are not spam.

Okay, so this is the first time in several days I have posted, a fact of which I have been emphatically reminded by one JJH, aka the spouse. There ahve been reasons. over the weekend I was correcting about 100 rough drafts of essay projects by my students, and had little time for anything else. My write hand swelled up so much that I had to put it in ice.

That was the not the only reason. I did have some conflict at school, with my principal totally misunderstanding an email I sent to the staff, and landing on me like a ton of bricks, then sending out his own email in response. A significant number of thes taff felt that he was being unfair to me, and I had to try to talk people out of responding back to him. One dear lady did so anyhow, so unfortunately the anger he freels is likely to on. Without going into the details, I was in the confrontation on which he insisted informed that I might not be welcome back next year. He has not yet made up his mind. As a result I now have to begin the process of at least exploring other alternatives. As it happens the district in which I would most like to teach has at least one social studies opening next year -- I will have to update my certificate information for that jurisdiction, but at this point I am inclined to file an application and see what happens.

In politics, today is Super Tuesday. It is quite conceivable that Edwards will effectively be knocked out today, meaning that Kerry will ahve locked up the nomination. I think that will be a huge mistake for the Democratic party, but at this point I have little interest in engagement on that particular subject. Of marginally greater interest has been to watch the metamorphosis of the Dean campaign into various squablling/bickering sbu-groups trying to find a way to keep the message, the mission, whatever it may be, alive. I am on far too many lists stemming from that campaing and its progeny. So far I have found myself not that interested in active participation. After listening to the bickering and backbiting of the nationwide leaders' conference call ten days ago, I decided not to participate this past Sunday, and have refrained from any further commitments. The only action I have taken since then was to pst several items of interest to the EFDcoordinators list [of people who were actively involved for Dean as educators] on aspects of NCLB. I may add one more, an unfortunate editorial from today's NY Times.

"You are old, Father William ... " today is March 2. in 82 days I will tunr 58. This year, for the first time, I have begun to feel my age. My energy level is far less than that of a year ago, I am far more prone to the aches and pains ... my injured shoulder, the arthritis in my back and in my knees. I truly need to take off at least 15-20 pounds to ease the strain on my body. But I find it exceedingly difficult to find the time to exercise on any consistent basis.

Of greater concern --- I have not had the time for things of greater importance, these being silence, piano, and reflection. I have at least made some time to simply be with the four cats wqho are our substitute for a lack of children. I am still far more of a dog person, but so long as I continue to commute 30-40 minutes each way to teaching, and to be gone for 11-13 hours per day, it would be cruel to have a dog.

I have decided to cut back on my commitments. I will be resigning all responsibilities at Meeting except the library committee. If I remain at my current school, I will do no outside or extra-curricular activities except soccer. And I am not interested in further activity in the political processes that surround us. Oh, I may still occasionally attempt to write for publication. And if I am going to stay in my current jurisdiction, I will explore the possibility of National Board certification, since the school system and state will pay the fees if I am one of those so selected, and since it would mean after completion an additional 4,000 / year in pay. That seems a far better return on investment than would have been completing my doctorate. I would have needed an investment of time of around 120-150 hours, and almost nothing in money. By contrast, to finish the doctorate would have taken at least 1,000 hours, and cost at least an other $10-12,000. In my current position my pay would have increased only $500/year, and in the jurisdiction to which I am considering applying they do not even have a doctoral ladder. Oh well...

As I sit here,the smallest (but not youngest) of our four felines has decided that she wants my attention. She rubs against my bare feet -- one consequence of our being a "cat house" is that we autmoatically remove footwear upon entering the house, to be sure that we do not damage paws and tails. Now she has been replaced by one of the tow younger cats, who wants to come up into my lap. All four are rescued kittens, this one of a litter that was semi-feral --we have her and her quite shy littermate. Perhaps our generosity in opening our home and our hearts to these four will in some fashion offset the smallness and lack of generosity we sometimes evidence in our dealings with our fellow homo sapiens. And she has now come into my lpa, which makes continuing this journal entry almost impossible, so I won't even try.







FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME OFFLINE at kber@earthlink.net Comments, suggestions and even rude remarks are welcomed! Preface any messages with "teacherken" so I know they are not spam.